[Fic] Flicker

Title: Flicker

Leeteuk-centic

Summary: After their defeat in Golden Disk Awards. Leeteuk confirmed that he's skilled enough to take up acting.

...

Leeteuk thinks he’s skilled enough to take up acting.

Afterall, feigning a dimpled smile, so vivid that it could lighten everyone’s day (when he can’t even light up his own) is not the easiest thing to do.

“And this year’s daesang award goes to So Nyu Shi Dae”, the host announced as hundreds of cheers deafen Leeteuk’s ears, an unbelievable amount of confetti falling down the stage.

Leeteuk looked at their hoobaes, accepting the award with bright smiles in their faces, and tears that can only be of happiness. Leeteuk mused that he wanted to cry as well – but the script says this is the part where he goes towards them Congratulations and be happy.

So he did. But the flicker of pain in the other members’ eyes never escaped his peripheral vision. Maybe there was some in his too.

It would be lying if they said they never expected to win anyway. There was a little reservation of ELF’s at a little café nearby, a cake and gifts for their expected win. Even a small pat at the back from their sunbaes You definitely owned it this year before their Sorry Sorry Performance.

But scriptwriters tend to do irrelevant twists to stories just to keep it going.

It’s okay. Heechul whispered as he hugged the older man. Leeteuk could not even find the will to respond and just smiled stiffly. It’s okay hyung, Sungmin echoed as his chance to hug their leader came, we can’t get everything in life.

At least we got the popularity award, right hyung?  Donghae almost choked at his words and Leeteuk hugged the younger man telling him it would be alright if he sleeps in his bed this night. Really hyung, I’m okay, the younger man gently declined, a ghost smile in his face.

SNSD had been like family to them anyway. They’re even from the same company for God’s sake. And they worked really hard too anyway.

 (But not as much as Eunhyuk nails himself in the dance studio for 24 hours straight to practice the choreography, Just let me hyung, I don’t have anything else the dancing machine smiled shielding his eyes from the older man before going back to practice. But you’ve got MC skills and you aren’t a bad singer, Leeteuk wanted to counter but chose to zip his mouth.

And not as much as how Ryeowook forces to stay in his room, racking his brain for lyrics of songs, breaking his voice for vocal practice. At least I have something to keep myself busy, he joked as the other members are getting ready for their individual activities. Leeteuk knew better.)

Asia Popularity Award, Leeteuk looked at their trophy, yeah, we’re popular enough in all parts of Asia but can’t even get the Daesang. A bitter voice in his mind keeps ringing. Because this year have been too tough for all of them. Everything’s too blurry, too fresh that it feels like they deserve something to make up for all those hard times. Because they deserve it.

We’re sorry Kangin-ah, Leeteuk blamed his voice for cracking and gentle tears escaping from his eyes for the other members to see as he held out his phone. Yah! No one should be saying sorry, for you all did your best. And that’s more than enough, Leeteuk thinks Kangin remains as their pillar of support even though he’s far away.

Next year we’ll be reaching for the stars again, Yesung said as his little eyes comforted Leeteuk in his silent cries. And we’ll definitely hold it tightly next time.

Siwon and Shindong crashed him in their embrace and the oldest guy chuckled, feeling the warmth he’s been deprived of for so long.

Sorry Oppa, the voices of their fans rang in his ears and he can’t help but close his eyes and listen, just listen

Sometimes, Leeteuk can never understand the way things happen in this industry. Sometimes the lights following him are too bright that it can be blinding and Leeteuk becomes too afraid to open his eyes anymore – afraid that the flickering lights would just be a part of his reveries.

Sometimes, Leeteuk just wanted to hear what his heart is really saying.

Maybe, after this, he should take on a new role. The one wherein he gives his dimpled smile, so vividly that it could brighten up everyone’s day. And everyone else smiles back at him, lightening his own murky world.